Reasons why Indians vote : An Article so thrilling that even Game of Thrones would seem like SpongeBob SquarePants in comparison

(Statutory Warning – The facts and figures mentioned in the article are result of days of survey, research and study. But having said this the author of this article does not vouch for the validity of the same for the following reasons : first, the author is not a fool and secondly it is insanely cool to write statutory warnings)

By the time you would be reading this, almost 67.57 % of the Indian populace would have exercised their electoral rights. The remaining couldn’t because either their turn did not come or they were busy fighting off Loki and his alien allies. Considering the amount of disgruntled rants about the state of affairs in the country and how nothing ever would change, we as a country love to vote. So while you were busy counting the number of times Rahul Gandhi has empowered woman, we have been celebrating ourselves with titles like worlds largest democracy, which according to the survey comes a close second in the ‘Worlds Largest Awesome things’ list, first being the worlds largest Pizza “Ottavio”. Spanning over like a month, it is our answer to the FIFA World Cup or the Beer Fest of the worlds. But what makes this event a success ? Why do Indians vote ? Thankfully much of these questions  were answered by the survey, the key findings of which are summarized below.

The survey was done in metros and pseudo metros which I feel is pretty much representative of the Indian hoi polloi. The reasons are enumerated in no specific order and the reader has the full discretion to allot any preference they want to.

1. Because Deepika Padukone said “Your vote will make a difference” – Now I seriously don’t know, what difference it will make to what, but I seriously would like to believe that voting will make a difference in the number of girls who would think I am Brad Pitt, or it would make a difference in the amount of zeroes behind my salary figure or atleast Deepika would be impressed by it and drop by for a coffee.

2. Because Alia Bhatt said that by voting “YOU can make a change” – Again, I really have no clue what ‘YOU’ seeks to change , I hope it changes the maximum age criteria of Indian Airlines Air Hostesses. But please somebody tell the poor girl the president of India is N. Srinivasan and not Prithvi Raj Chauhan.

3. Because I got a new Luis Vuitton Bag / Xylus watch – What is left of an election day if you don’t have a picture of it on your FB wall. Selfies are like so passé now and you really can’t strut around with your new fashion accessories in a selfie right. So behold, we give you iNK ( i-New Kool)  – they are trendy, cool and it goes with your pouty look or your ‘angry young man ought to make a difference in 24 mins or less’ look.

4. Because I am socially responsible and I know it – Again intrinsically linked with the social media but mutually exclusive of the above reason. The motivation behind this is to change the world and let the world know it before somebody else takes up your five minutes of fame. Statistically it has been proved that as opposed to people in the above mentioned category, socially responsible people tend to focus more on their fingers while clicking their Election day pictures and would Photoshop their picture with sepia or grayscale tone effect to make it more impactful. Statistics have also shown that most of them believe that all politicians are thieves and Rahul Gandhi and Modi are contesting from their very own constituency.

5. Because I’ll get a free pass to an insanely costly Pub – Not lacking far behind our electorate, the Indian Corporate also does its bid to be part of the Mardi Gras-que bonhomie by rolling out incentives of free passes to pubs, free haircuts in vulgarly expensive salons, free packets of Deodrants and what not, all by showing your iNK. (Karl Marx be appalled and Gandhi be damned).

Statistics has also shown that with the advent of the social media, the voting turnout in the urban and the semi urban areas have increased to 45 % whereas dramatically in the extreme rural areas it has risen just by 1.37 %. In light of these revelations, political parties along with the Election Commission have decided to distribute 3g enabled, FB and Whatsapp installed handsets in the rural areas.

Apart from all of these, one of the most pertinent question that the study has thrown up is the number of people who are not accounted for in the above mentioned motivators. In what seems to be a nebulous area in the electorate, experts believe that these breed of people actually vote for strange things like democracy and fundamental duty. Perplexing to many is the unabashed vulgarity of these breed not to post picture of their finger or any self-aggrandizing update or even a mere 140 character tweet about this momentous event. The answers might still be hidden in the intricacies of this survey study but frankly I am not stoned enough to write another page on it. So .. enjoy the holiday .. hope you have the balls to take tomorrow off and head of to Goa for all the efforts you have put in today.. Party Hard .. Vote Harder…

{P.S : To the hundreds of my fans (and this includes 85 of my neighbour’s dogs) who have been starving themselves to death, waiting for a new post from my side … Sorry ……. for returning again}

SALMAN RUSHDIE, SECULAR ME & KOLKATA : A DEFINITIVE ACCOUNT (that does not get me arrested)

Frankly speaking I have’nt read Salman Rushdie, not because I belong to the herd of people who believe that some piece of literature written by a mere mortal can surmount, supercede or surpass the supposed verbatim given by the supposed omnipotent GOD (not alluding to Arnab Goswami) but purely because I have a simple rule when it comes to literature – I don’t read anything whose length surpasses the length of my thumb. You will never find me having orgasms about Dostoyevsky or the Harry Potter series, the total size size of which surpasses my whole frame (my initiation into Harry Potter is through the movies dubbed in Hindi aired religiously every Sunday on POGO channel and I am still hopeful about seeing Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment or James Joyce’s Ulysses being made into a movie, dubbed and aired on POGO). So when She-who-must-be-worshipped stopped He-who-must-not-be-read from entering the most industrially, agriculturally and culturally kick-ass city in the world, Kolkata, I was Clark Gabla Da : ”Phranklee my dear, I do not geebh a daamn.” But at an age when Arnab Goswami is prodding even the newly born to get over the dented and painted image, you can’t really stick to your cosy world and not be worked about issues that really matter (issues like why was’nt I or Shahid Kapoor not invited to Kareena Kapoor’s wedding or is Karan Johar really a pedophile and his coming out of the closet moment was Student Of The Year or what is the current status of films made by the Bhatts : Jism 32 or Raaz 15 or Jannat 23.

But lets not get into preachy mode this early (I’ll save it to my usually didactic last paragraph). Inspite of all the allegations levelled against She-who-must-be-worshipped of pandering to vote bank politics I seriously think there’s more to her actions than meets the eye. First of all in a state where everything is real and tangible : like the huge investments that’s pouring in from all quarters to the huge industries that is coming up in every place that used to house a Karl Marx picture, to devote one’s attention to something as intangible as cinema or literature is something of a historic blunder (no puns intended). Also cinema or fictional literature being the purest forms of ‘Sajano Ghotona’ (imaginary or pre-fabricated event) and given the serious aversion of people of this state have towards Sajana Ghotonas, it is natural for the Government and all its machineries to strongly oppose someone who makes a living out of it. Also to give room to any film that does’nt have Dev in it would be doing grave injustice to the world famous Bengali film industry that he symbolises. For readers oblivious to the presence of Dev, he is the local superstar who can shapeshift to Swami Vivekananda to Mother Teresa to Rabindranath Tagore in a matter of minutes, doing all of this while shaking a leg to the likes of Challenge nibi na Sala (don’t take challenge bastard) or Paglu thoda sa karle Romance (you lunatic, lets make love). 

Since the driver has somewhat been absolved of the crime all that remains is the driven to be proved just a mere mindless pawn in the game. Now being a overtly secular Muslim living in India it is imperative of me to always remain in super critical mode towards all my fellow brethrens who sport a beard or a skull cap or march on the streets at the drop of a hat. It is also my duty to proclaim how wonderfully tolerant my religion is and it is because of certain fringe elements that the whole religion is getting a bad name. What is not prescribed in my list of duties is to actually stand up to these fringe elements when they actually go about vandalizing the social fabric and basic tenets of the religion that they seem to follow ever so blindly. Every religion at a certain point of time gets corrupted due to severe misinterpretation of its own guiding texts. It is then the duty of the so called liberals to stand up to these misinterpretations and establish what’s truly meant to be followed or re-interpret any obsolete practice so that it fits in perfectly with today's world. But then again I am neither learned nor Nana Patekar from Krantiveer, so I’ll do what I am supposed to do : distance myself from all the fringe elements crying hoarse on the streets and actually worry about Priyanka Chopra’s thick upper lips. And besides on a more devious note, people who are actually protesting may have never gone past their English vocabulary pages let alone Satanic Verses, so imagine their angst when they actually get to know what’s actually written in that straight-from-hell-book. So to She-who-must-worshipped, I pray to you that you devote your resources in educating these fringe elements in satanic languages like English so that they actually get to read Satanic Verses, it would fuel their anger which would make the protests more spontaneous than seem like a Sajano Ghotona.

PS: The author of this blog,oxyMORON, has already started writing a book named ‘Moronic Verses’ in the hope that the same kind of treatment that befell Mr. Rushdie follows him too and he gets to live in exile in London and have girlfriends of the likes of Padma Lakshni and Riya Sen.

F.A.S.T - F.A.R.T & THE FINDINGS OF PROF. KAMAL SHUBI

Boring times .. desperately boring .. well atleast by now most of the few readers I have, must have understood that I am not that kind of a literary genius who can construct deeply philosophical prose or poetry out of the depths of my now defunct heart or brain . My literary shenanigans almost hovers around that of scavenging a normal piece of event and contorting it to some cheap ridicules (usually based around the abdominal area) . So when Grandpa Sibal decided to sieve all online content banning anything that ridicules Aunty G and Baby G (PBUH) , I thought maybe I should call it quits and close this blog . For us pseudo writers, you can’t expect to get even half a decent page of words if you take holy cows like Aunty G or Baby G out of our reverential critique .

But then  we really don’t live in such a desperately boring world , one can always find some self righteous moron issuing some really weird diktat elucidating mockery from some and serious contemplation from other equally minded morons .And I was’nt disappointed . F.A.S.T – F.A.R.T (Fatwa Against Sexual Tolerance – Fatwa Against Religious Tolerance) is a dual body organisation affiliated to the powerful body J.A.M (Jihadis Against Madonna) . While F.A.S.T-F.A.R.T specializes in issuing fatwas which specifically targets the general well being of women born under the crescent moon, J.A.M is a totalitarian body that recruits people born under the crescent moon , transforms them into Jihadis to fight against tyrrants like Israel , US , Justine Bieber and the likes ( well I really don’t know what’s Madonna doing in J.A.M but maybe they meant Materialism ). Coming back to the issue , in one of the recently concluded F.A.S.T-F.A.R.T conventions, one of the D-I-C-K [Director In- Charge (of) Know(all)] ,Professor Kamal Shubi, reported that women should be disallowed from driving as it increases their sexual instincts thereby sodomising the whole Muslim society . This comes from the same man who in his earlier works elaborated the direct correlation of Muslim woman sitting in coffee shops and the intensity of their carnal instincts . He said that in one of his such ‘dressed-as-a- sexy-Casanovic-Mullah’ encounter in a coffee shop, a woman made amorous gestures giving him indications of her being available for ‘sexy-Casanovic-Mullah-meets-Burqa –clad-Sharon Stonic’ sex .(read – Arabic Basic Instinct fornication)

Well I guess after reading the last line many of you are contemplating a move to an arab country and camping outside a coffee shop, but then again if you have’nt had much luck in your local CCD you would’nt have much luck in an Arab one (maybe only if Mr. Shubi decides to be your wingman ). And again if you are thinking that like all my previous posts I am gonna get into the preachy mode and tell you all how disgracefully wrong or ludicrous the whole stuff is .. well then I guess I would’nt want to waste my precious little time over what some D-I-C-K says or does .The whole episode is as idiotic as an African country passing a law which makes farting in public a punishable offence (and this one is actually true) .  Instead what struck me was that as a God fearing God abiding person born under the crescent moon  I should be entitled to issue some fatwas too . So here’s my list .. please feel free to add your own or counter my fatwa with another fatwa if you are truly a God fearing God abiding person born under the crescent moon.

#1. Fatwa against fasting – seriously guys grow up.. there are thousand better ways to protest , like putting your index finger in your head in a gun shaped mode and then pseudo shooting yourself making a “phrooosshh” sound whenever you see the didactic finger wagging of Anna on TV .

#2.Fatwa against Delhi organizing flash mobs - You can’t expect to celebrate 100 years and not have a flash mob video of your city on Youtube (yes Delhi-ites this is a retaliation from a pure Bong for taking the tag of capital city away from us in 1911 )

#3. Fatwa against Big Boss surprise entries  –even after bringing Sunny Leone into the house no one is watching the show , so it’s high time they close it and invest the money in our very own native Porn Industry (a high potential but grossly overlooked sector in the Indian economy) .

#4. Fatwa against Karan Johar – film studios should get a restraining order from him . You remake Agneepath and put a song named Chikni Chameli into it . Stick to making Ducky porn for nubiles , darling .

#5. Fatwa against Rahul Gandhi wearing clothes way beyond his size and age – Rahul Gandhi should only wear diapers . Period .

(P.S – if somehow you find the link to my blog not working blame it on the last issued Fatwa and Grandpa Sieve-all)

RA-ONE : THE (truly genuine and earnest) FILM REVIEW

Ra-One is one of the most expensive as well as the most expansive movie ever made in Bollywood and every second of its runtime oozes out with the visual magic that its creator or more aptly its visionary Shahrukh Khan had envisaged . Those who are still apprehensive about the movie being replete with scientific gobbledygook and VFX tricks then let me assure the film has much more in store for you , complete with trials and tribulations that any average man can identify with in this cruel world where every motive is guided by materialistic pleasures and bullion aspirations until the simple pleasures of life gets diluted by the ever encompassing  greed of  imperialistic dreams .

Ra-One revolves around Rahul Verma (played brilliantly by Shahrukh Khan) who works in a contraband drug store selling ‘Penis enlargement’ pills . Subjected to acute penury and the constant guilt of letting his beautiful wife Anjali (Kareena Kapoor) work as a masseuse for the super rich but facially paralysed Dr. Dang (played naturally by Arjun Rampal) , neither the wage nor the pills work for this average guy . So out of sheer desperation of not being able to provide for his wife’s financial and conjugal needs he decides to ragpick at nights . And it is during these nocturnal endeavours that he comes across a dying mad scientist Dr.Vijay (Amitabh Bacchan)  who gifts Rahul a stash of weed and a big robot which has been a dream project of the scientist . Now Rahul as poor as he may be , takes the robot in with his family much to the consternation of Anjali who ultimately decides to dump Rahul and move in with Dr. Dang . Now with the love of his life in someone else’s arm Rahul takes refuge in the stash of weed and local hooch , and during one of this drunken fits Rahul unknowingly thrusts some Penis enlargement pills in the robot’s mouth and Voila !!! the Robot comes to life . (also punctuated by the intermission).The second half of the movie gets more intriguing as the story leaps 20 years forward : Rahul and the robot are married and have a sweet girl cum autobot named Chammak Challo (Shahrukh Khan,effortless acting again) . Also by a simple twist of fate studying in the same college as Chammak Challo is G-One (Shahrukh Khan) - son of Dr.Dang and Anjali . Both are freshers in a college ,headed by the hermaphrodic dean Dr. Raj Malhotra (wonderful cameo by Karan Johar) , and are constantly picked by their seniors because of their unusual names . And it is during these moments of depravation and peer inflicted depreciation that both these hapless misnomic souls fall in love .None of the families take the relationship well : Rahul for not approving to quasi incestuous tie up and Dr. Dang for not approving to autobots . What happens next is stuff what film legends are made of and I won’t spoil it for those who have’nt seen the movie .(Cant help it but the cliamax scene where the main protagonists of both the generation break into an orgasmic ‘mehendi’ dance is sheer cinematic brilliance and an obvious tribute to the auteur director Karan Johar’s vision of film making)

The performances in Ra- One usually hover around the superlative mark . Arjun Rampal is the apt choice for the role of a facially paralysed evil doctor while Kareena Kapoor looks the part . Adding to that there is a wonderful cameo by Rajnikant who plays a doctor who helps Rahul Verma give birth to Chammak Challo in a speeding rickshaw (an obvious reference to another SRK classic Main Hoon Na ) . But keeping everyone at bay has to be the one and only Shahrukh Khan who effortlessly fits into the myriad roles of a father , a dotting mother , an angst ridden youth , a veterinary doctor , a PMS aunty and a bison all in one movie . Watch for the scene where Shahrukh during one of his drunken fits almost has sex with a car mistaking him a for the cow from DDLJ : the angst on his face to the helplessness when the car automatically starts and speeds away is what acting students would be viewing for years to come .

Well for many of you who are hungry for some quality cinema and would probably give this gem a miss thinking that the whole of 150 crores in making this movie is eaten up in mindless visual effects of crashing trains and flying cars , you could’nt be more wrong . For a fact much of the VFX budget is spent on making a 70 year old Shahrukh look like a 20 something dude , hot chick , robot and a bison. But it was worth every penny to have Shahrukh on board for this film as none could have done justice to these roles other than him . And for those who don’t like good cinema and would never even think of watching Ra- One , thanks to the innumerable brand tie ups you would be getting incentives while watching the movie : for making through the first 15 mins – a pack of Parle -G will be gifted to you in the multiplex itself , completing the first half – a Godrej fridge and for making through the whole movie – a pack of condoms (surely you wont be able to sleep for many nights to come .. hence) . So don’t hold yourself back , forget food inflation , dish out 360 bucks and watch cinema weave its magic through the able hands of the Ra- One team .

P.S : The only inexplicable part of a movie which bugged this film critic was that there was no character named Ra-One in the movie .. oh wait maybe there was … maybe there was’nt … either ways it’s a daunting task to remember nightmares in harrowing details.

LOKPAL , RIYA SEN & PRADA ...

CUTE KID +GANDHI TOPI = GREAT PR

Its been almost three months or so that I last posted something on this very collection of literary affiliations . Well its not entirely false that the procrastination is because of  an incessant urge of failure and despondency on my part that even after posting several insidious posts, no organization owing allegiance to either Al-Qaeda , RSS , Congress or WARD(We are Rahul’s Dog – headed aptly by Digvijay) has threatened me with my life or any part of my fleshy existence so that I can take a day off from my office . To be true I was really busy training my pet chicken to bury its head deep inside the ground only to put it up once in a while to say its gonna deliver on its golden egg promise – I call that trick “Doing The Manmohan” . Well when that was underway a lot occurred pertaining to my very dear topic “Anna v/s UPA” , I wanted to reiterate on that but there were so much tweets , blogs and articles written on it , my scribblings would have just got lost like Mamata Bannerjee in Tagore’s beard .

Trust me you know the issue is important when even Riya Sen tweets about how amending the Lokpal Bill would be a direct violation of section 69 subverting the direct jurisprudence offered by the Amendment act to subterfuge any bill passed on a quid pro quo basis to be labelled as horse shit . That dumb bimbo does’nt know the difference between an SMS and an MMS (that was one sweet porn clip) and here she was with other Voltaire and Russoes of our times mouthing the amendment of constitutional procedures as if it was changing her lingerie (sorry.. my mind is still stuck at the porn clip of hers .If you have’nt watched it , stop reading this shit and google it) .

To be very frank I am always wary of guys with a toothless grin and a Gandhi topi up their righteous head . Now its bordering on blasphemy to mouth obscenity against Anna nowadays or else you have to face the consequence of Kiran Bedi mimicring you , but for all that was worth about the movement I still think there were better ways of  achieving the means sans all the slander from either side . Sure the government is inefficient but the Anna Camp could have acted less like Vito Corleone and made offers that both side could accept and not refuse . And the Government on its part was almost like those archetypal rape victims of the Hindi movie, resisting and refusing at first but ultimately giving way to the villain in an act of consensual surrender . So my fellow countrymen the problem does’nt lie with the first rape it lies with the subsequent weakness of becoming a whore succumbing to the whims and fancies of people like me who is willing to go on a hunger strike if the IIM’s does’nt take me in or some other group who want a separate state because the banana they cultivate is a perfect straight one .

But this post is not about the righteous blackmailing of the Jesus Hazare cult , its about few things about the movement that you might have missed :

1. Chicks in Delhi are hot , their concern about the poor almost bordering on ultra communism  and they do that wearing Prada and Jimmy Choo .
2. Aamir Khan does visit public agitation forums even when his movie is’nt releasing .
3. Sonu Nigaam is still a man and has not undergone sex change operation to become Madonna .
4. Kiran Bedi could be in the running for India’s Got Talent or America’s Top Model .
5. Anna Hazare is a devout muslim . He almost fasted the whole of Ramzan.
6. Chicks in Delhi are hot … ohh I said that ..

I guess the Government must have also noticed the angst of these hot Delhi chicks and it did’nt really want to face their wrath or else if it really paid heed to hunger strikes they would have solved a certain ladies problem in the northeast . The Armed Forces (Special Powers) Act or fancily called AFSPA is nothing but state sponsored terrorism brought to the people of “integral states” of the northeast and Kashmir .  No bother that she has been fasting for over a decade over an issue that is a collective miscreation on the part of subsequent Governments over the past decade and not some fallacy of crooked individuals for which the Government cannot be directly held accountable to (atleast not for the occurrence of it but yes to the handling maybe) . Yes sure the issues are different as chalk and cheese but once you herald an elected form of Government as cousins of Robert Clive and brand the movement as a second freedom struggle then I guess issues transcend the motive as well as the method . But what the hell who cares.. I demand another hunger strike preferably in Mumbai now ..heard the chiks are hotter there .. but don’t do it in the northeast , the revolutionary chicks there don’t wear Prada . Till then I’ll be “Doing the Manmohan” .

  P.S : Narendra Modi on a hunger strike for communal harmony .. @#$! .. and my grandma is Rajnikant .



OSAMA SHETTY : UMM QUWWA

                                                   Osama Bin Laden in happier times

Frankly speaking I always was a fan of Osama Bin Laden , not that I am a jihadi fanatical muslim who belches out Islamic hiccups after regularly devouring beef biriyanis and throws paper planes from his office rooftop with Quranic verses written on them . I am as far removed from Islam as Monica Bellucci is from Rakhi Sawant . But now that Osama is supposedly dead and one can safely presume that the CIA would be busy hosting playboy themed parties and the Al- Qaeda would be busy surfing makemytrip.com to get a knowhow of places frequented by Americans instead of monitoring my scribblings , I can safely confess that I liked that guy . Not because he killed thousands of Americans , Pakistanis , Nicaraguans , Papua New Guineans ,Beninians ,Burundians , Iraqis (sorry the last one were killed by the US ) all to avenge Muslim deaths and to establish sharia laws which is as vulgarly obscene as a woman wearing a bikini over a burqha .  I liked him cause somehow he reminded me of one of my favourite heroes Suniel Shetty from one of my favourite movie Border .

If you have watched Border, one of the finest Bollywood movie after Disco Dancer, you would obviously get the drift with Suniel Shetty . For those who have not , in the movie Suniel Shetty played host to precisely 17 bullets (yes I counted !!) in his chest and thoracic region , laid dormant for a while , got up , got a mine , walked straight into enemy territory , landed the mine  underneath a tanker with one hand holding up the tanker, blew it up , thought of his super sexy girlfriend , shouted out “Maaaaa .. Shakti”, killed another dozen enemy soldiers with his spittle and supposedly lay dormant again . There was such conviction in his acting that I thought it was impossible for him to die and even when the end credits rolled I expected him to burst out of the scene with oral drippings dripping onto my face screaming out “Maaaaa.. Shakti” . But he never did but Osama did just that and went onto to do that over and over again for the past decade (not the ‘Maaaa .. Shakti’ part you idiot .. the ‘not dying’ part)

Common you have to give credit to the guy ,who many of my Islamically bent communist friends (heady mix) called “sala baagher bacchha” (true tigers son), for cheating death many times over, that too against a country who are truly good at invading foreign lands and killing off entire generations  .For a start the Americans told us that he might have been killed in Tora Bora but after few days of that announcement Osama was allegedly spotted in a playboy mansion alongside Berlusconi .Then we heard that he has a fatal kidney disease which Osama replied with a video of him singing “ Hum ka peeni hain “ . Even now when Obama was almost orgasmically announcing “Justice has been done” I expected Osama to put his head up from Obama’s back and whisper “Tuki” wrapping his hands around Obama’s eyes . Otherwise how would anyone justify that the most wanted man in the world (after Bappi Lahiri ) was actually hiding in a resort town of a country which at best can be described as the mistress of  US (citation needed as the UK may also claim the spot but studies have shown that UK is actually the poodle of the US) .

And I have my doubts but this time albeit from a different view . Now no matter how hard the US tells you that he is the state’s numero uno enemy ,Osama is actually a great PR machinery for US presidents specially those whose popularity ratings have hit rock bottom and are seeking  re-election in two years . It will not be surprising that in twenty years time a president fighting dwindling employments rates in his country ( like Obama is doing now ) will wake you up and say “Boo .. last government accidentally killed a hairy guy called Anil Kapoor but now surely we have killed Osama ...worship me earthlings” . As far as Osama is concerned he might be plotting another strike or he might have had enough of acting Islamist Jihadi so he decided to settle down with his five wives in a large mansion in Hawaii or he might be preserved for posterity in area 51 for future US use or as, to put it more exotically , Verbal Kint said  "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist."

P.S : What on earth is Geronimo ??? Operation P.L.A.T.O.O.N (Plunder Loot Afghanistan Then Obliterate Osama Nigga) would have been so Hollywood savvy .

MANMOHAN SINGH : THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE

Manmohan Singh is THE SEXIEST MAN on the face of this earth . Now you don’t believe me ..you can call that man intelligent , reticent even downright good , his academic qualification alone can fill up this blog for many months to come .. but no one has called hin THE SEXIEST MAN .. and I in my full senses have just called him THE SEXIEST MAN .. just read on to know why ..

So you have made it to the second paragraph to know the reason for him being THE SEXIEST MAN alive  ..but we will get to that a little later .. first it is admirable on your part for not closing the page after reading the first two words . Well for the last few months everyone from Barkha Dutt with her short hair to Rakhi Sawant with her big brea.. sorry brains (dirty mind) have been shouting out how he is heading one of the most corrupt government of all time ( the assets of many of his ministers can make Pamela Anderson's assets look like Kate Moss's ..see the two ladies closely to get the comparison ) and doing nothing about it . Well for a change I am not going to talk about it ..instead I am gonna explain why he is THE SEXIEST MAN alive .

Oh OK you are still here for the reason .. but before that you cannot but help but feel sorry for the man . He had to go through a troubled time lately facing the wrath of the very facebook generation he helped to build . If he had’nt opened up the economy in the 90s , we would still be wearing Rupa ki Chaddi without ever knowing the virtues of Jockey underwears . If he had known then that globalization in India would usher in an era where liking the “I will fast with Anna Hazare”on one’s facebook page while munching on MacD aloo tikki would mean revolution then he would have obviously retained his World Bank job . But he was a resilient man then and he still is a resilient man now . At a time when Sushma Swaraj was shouting out to Singh “Bhai tum sign karte ho ya nahin..” goading him to take the whole blame on corruption issue it was admirable on Manmohan’s part not to stand up  and reply “ Jao pehle us aadmi ka sign leke aao jisne mere haat mein yeh likh dia tha “ .. flashing the ‘Mera Baap Rahul Gandhi’ tattoo .

 His detractors might just shrug off his above achievements and say “But he can’t wave his hand properly”. Well that’s a serious allegation .. if you have’nt seen his ‘hand waving’ to a crowd then just try to visualize Dharmendra dirty dancing or Ajay Devgan in the movie “Jigar” where he practices to break eggs using martial arts . You can’t be a PM of India and not know how to wave to a multitude of people . Others might say his speeches can at best find a place in the ancient African lost languages section but he did come out of his usual self while replying to Sushma Swaraj’s allegations with a perfect qawwali infused rhetoric .Well we could go on and on about his shortcomings but all that gets eclipsed once I tell you why he is THE SEXIEST MAN alive .

(drum roll please)  ..here comes the reason : YOU’VE BEEN PUNKED. Manmohan and sexy is as compatible as Salman Khan and Sai Baba . Out of the 3 or 4 readers I have , even 1 of you have been fooled into reading this then I would consider myself eligible for a place in the UPA-2 cabinet . Now you may wonder why .. well for a start the UPA-2 is full of people who have been making a fool of this country and they have been doing it using the “HONESTY” badge that automatically comes with PM Singh’s name . Ya scoff at me and curse yourself for reading this balderdash ..A.Raja was never a writer nor was Kalmadi . I have found my calling and for those who still want to curse me you can send your hate mails to 10 , Janpath , New Delhi or email me to babyg.rahul@gmail.con.